My ex-husband is better than your ex-husband….neener, neener! I intend to get a bumper sticker with that written on it.

Divorce doesn’t mean that something came to an end in the negative sense. Things come to an end all the time because there is something new to experience, and it’s how the Universe supports our formless journey beautifully.

I prefer to see it that the lessons that I needed to learn from my ex-husband in my marriage are completed. I brought him into life so he could hold the mirror for me to see myself, and witness the experiences of separation of who I really am. Thus, as we divorced, I spent time in contemplation of what he offered me, and opened up a space for more conscious expansion. I looked at patterns that were inside me, and he just happened to show up in form to mirror those patterns.

Through the divorce process, I visualized, I imagined, I pretended, I affirmed that I would have a loving relationship with Rob, my ex-husband. There were some gifts in the experience of this divorce that led me to separated from this loving relationship intention.

One such example happened to take place in the library. You know how there is this unspoken rule in the library that is supposed to embody quiet and serenity, well I decided to turn that rule on its head.

As we were working out the separation agreement, we decided to meet at a public place as this would allow a safe environment to discuss the details and process emotions. We were having a challenging discussion, and I could feel all this anger coming to the surface, and as a result I spewed the firey
“f… you,” and then stormed out. Yes, I screamed it in the library for all to hear.

As I left and drove away, I knew that this experience was showing separation again from who I truly am. No matter what is happening “out there,” I intend to come from the knowing that I am Divine, and I don’t think Divine says, “f…. you,” especially at the library.

With this said, I called Rob later and apologized for my behavior, and affirmed who I intend to be, and I also called the librarian and apologized.

Years later, I heard Wayne Dyer speak about anger. “When we squeeze an orange, what comes out? Orange juice. It doesn’t matter what device is used to squeeze the orange, orange juice is always going to come out. Likewise, when we have anger that comes out, it doesn’t matter who squeezed us, it’s what is inside.” When I heard these words, it made so much sense to me. Rob didn’t cause my anger, it was what was inside.

And guess what…..

Imagining does work! Rob and I have the best ex-relationship that anyone could ever imagine. I knew it could be this way…I just had to keep imagining it as I would like it to be.

Rob and I get together regularly and have lunch at a memorable place for us….Wendy’s. Why Wendy’s? When Rob was going to law school in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I was going to school for my undergraduate degree, it was the simple pleasures that we enjoyed while living on a student budget. Thus, we keep that sweet memory alive by meeting at Wendy’s.

Incidentally, we will be promoting a program, How to Have Great Ex, A Guide to Having a Great Relationship with Your Ex. We know what it takes to make a good relationship and want to help others enjoy this as well. In addition, we have a 24 year old daughter who reaps the benefits of our friendly relationship, and we can help the children in divorce as well. Many people tell us that we are unique in this respect.

Recently, Rob called me as he heard I was engaged and congratulated me. I had intended to tell him, but he heard from my daughter first. He was so happy for me. I, in turn, asked about his new relationship, and he said, “It’s so wonderful! We’ve been dating for five months, and it’s so easy.” I was teary as he was telling me this because it was so beautiful! Above all, we intend happiness for each other, and I kept imagining him “happy.”

I’m so grateful for my relationship with Rob, and most importantly, I’m grateful for my relationship with me. It is through creating quiet, conscious space for myself on a regular basis that I am able to sustain my conscious expansion and come from love.

And there’s more….

When I began dating, I imagined once again that I would be with someone who had a great relationship with his ex, and so it is.

When Carlos and I returned from Cancun, I got to meet his ex-wife. She was flying in to the airport at the same time to visit her friend, who lives close to us. We picked her up from the airport, and I got out of the car and gave her a hug and was so happy to meet her. On the hour drive to my house, we talked and laughed, and then Carlos told her we got engaged in Cancun, and she expressed profound happiness for us.

Then Carlos dropped me off at my house, and proceeded to drive his ex-wife to her friend’s house, which was an hour away. I only felt complete love for them both as they drove away.

Right now, writing this, I’m in tears because I have such profound love for me and basking in this place. When I fill up my own personal love tank, then it automatically spills over to others. And as Wayne Dyer so eloquently says, “You can’t give away what you don’t already have for yourself.“

I love you, Tami!